Razor End
by The Grinning Psychopath
Summary: aftermath, to the events of my previous story, Take Me Under. rated M for violence, drug abuse, cutting, mentions of rape, and all in all, a pretty fu**d up story, please REVIEW!
1. Chapter 1

_**Razor End. By The Grinning Psychopath.**_

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_**Disclaimer, i do NOT own Supernatural. partly inspired by the song, Razor End, by Deathstars. sequel, to the story, Take Me Under.**_

_**please, now people, REVIEW!  
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I felt, the cold silver of the straight razor, slide across my flesh, and I shivered, as wonderful relief, filled me, as the endorphins cutting, produced, filled my body.

The alcohol, dulled most of the pain down, to where it was pretty bearable.

I sighed, giggling a little, as the endorphins mixed with the alcohol, in my blood, and the euphoria was magnified thrice fold.

I glanced at the clock, and swore halfheartedly. 9:AM, it was almost time for me to pick up Sam, at the hotel he was staying at.

I sighed, and got to my feet, and walked over to the bathroom.

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, my skin was sallow, pasty, and there were heavy bags under my eyes, as evidence of my lack of sleep, and my hair was a clotted gagly mess, the gel that had spiked my hair up, one of my very few vices, had run a bit, and congealed, from when I'd had my drinking contest with that asshole, 4 hours earlier, with ad ended with him on the floor, and me in the bathroom throwing up my fucking guts.

I couldn't go to Sam, looking like this… well looking exactly like this anyway.

I felt my stomach, twist and roil, and I seized up, before slowly, walking over to the toilet, and getting down on my knees, to pay homage to it.

2 minutes later, I wiped my mouth, with the sleeve of my black button up, and spat out a few last remaining strands of my dinner, out and into the mess in the toilet, and flushed it.

This, definitely would not do.

I crawled over to the bathtub, wanting to run a river of hot steaming water over my head, but knowing that would just make me sleepy, I instead ran it as cold as it could possibly get.

I found it was very invigorating.

When I was more or less, fully awake, I shut the water off, and got shakily, up to my feet.

When I got back to the mirror, I poured a generous portion, of the familiar gel bottle, into my hand, and started rubbing it deep into my hair.

In another minute, it was as good as new.

I brushed my teeth, gargled some antiseptic Listerine, and then as an after thought, popped some peppermint gum into my mouth, my brother already knew I was drinking, but it wouldn't do to let him in on just how much I drank, to forget what he did to me. I thought bitterly, I knew logically, that it wasn't really his fault, that he hadn't been the one who did all those… things to me.

_The feel of him, moving inside of me, the pain of him, as he rammed into me again and again, his hands so, tight, around my neck, threatening to break me, and me wishing fervently that he would, just so this hell would be over._

_My tears, as my littler brother, pounded away at me, and came laughing, into me._

_"OH, Jesus! Sammy boy's enjoying this even more than me, you know!" the demon laughed, his voice ecstatic. I shook my head, not believing it, not wanting to believe it, my little brother couldn't possibly be enjoy doing this, to his only brother, to a man who'd done everything in his power, to shelter and protect him, to love and nourish him._

_But when the demon, finally did came, and he let out that final cry of passion, it was in Sam's voice, and no one else's._

I closed my eyes, and shook my head violently. It had been the Demon, who had done those awful things to me, tortured me, raped me, it may have been Sam's body, but it was a Demon.

And that was the problem wasn't it, no it hadn't been Sam, but it had been his BODY! I had to look into the face, of that cold monstrosity, who had done all those, terrible, terrible things to me… and I had to NOT! Confront it about, why it had done it, I had to NOT! Grab my pistol and shoot its fucking head, and body, till it was an unrecognizable mass, of bloody meat, and bone.

Cause it hadn't been Sam, who'd raped me, it hadn't been Sam, who ignited those matches, and dropped them on my torso, none of it, had been Sam, it had all been the Demon… but that didn't make it any easier to stare into that face, familiar to me, both as the little brother who had worshiped and adored me when we were children, as the little brother who I had in turn loved and adored as well, and as the man who had so brutally, tormented me in that basement.

I closed my eyes, and shook, and shivered. God how I wanted, nothing more, than to just run away from it all, but hadn't I already done that, to some extent at least?

I thought of Jo, and Bobby, with their pitying, compassionate features, and the disgust safely hidden away beneath that pity and compassion.

Thing was, I hadn't wanted their pity, not their compassion, and certainly not their disgust, I mean sure I couldn't be certain what the disgust was towards, but it didn't take a rocket fucking scientist, to figure it out.

What kind of sick freak, would let his own little brother, use him, and abuse him like that? Certainly no one rational, certainly no one entirely there, after all I was the big brother after all, I could of stopped it couldn't I? but I hadn't, which had to have meant, that I had at least to some extent enjoyed what we had done together right?

I snarled viciously, and popped my suitcase open, and removed the nicotine patches, and popped two of them onto my chest.

I couldn't outright just start smoking, or anything. Sammy would know to at least some extent why I was doing it, and… and I couldn't let that happen, cause… well just cause, Sam didn't remember what happened in that horrid place, and I really didn't want him to, no need for both of us to suffer… right?

I poured a large amount of the remaining bottle of Jack Daniels, over my arm, unwrapped, some gauze bandages, and wrapped them around my arm.

I'd been sure, to run a fire over the silver razor, to sterilize it, before I actually used it on myself, as per usual, but you could never be too cautious.

I removed my black button up, and my black tank top, balled them up, and stuffed them into the dirt clothes, suit case, and removed a fresh set of black tank and black button up.

When I was satisfied, that there was no blood, or any other such thing, to give my nighttime activities away, I took the suit cases out to the Impala, and when I was certain I had everything I needed, I drove off, to pick up Sam, my Sam, from his hotel on the other side of town.

He understood, he had done some things to me, things that were pretty terrible, he didn't know what, and I prayed to god every night, that he never would, but he did know he had done things to me, that had left me… somewhat weary of his presence.

I snorted, understatement of the fucking century, if ever there fucking was one.

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_**So what do you think? love it hate it? what?**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**So, here we are, Chapter 2, what do you think? are Sammy's thoughts on Dean, in character, or what? personally i think their pretty spot on, but thats just me, please i want to see what you think, so please Review.**_

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**Sam POV.**

I waited, on the curve, patiently, waiting for my brother, to pick me up. I felt sadness, things between, us had been… less than okay, just recently.

For about a month, and a half ago, I had been possessed by a demon, of hell. Meg, I was pretty sure, and… I had done things, I wasn't precisely sure what all I had done to my brother, but I knew it wasn't good, wasn't good by a long shot.

I knew I had broken, both his wrists, I knew I had either broken or cracked about half the bones in the left side of his face, including his nose.

And I knew, he had second, to third degree burns, on his torso, but that was about the extent of my knowledge, I was certain I had done other things to him, but Dean wasn't talking, I was relatively certain, Bobby and Jo, knew, but they weren't talking either, which meant it was pretty bad, and that made me hurt, inside, like you wouldn't believe.

Sure, me and Dean had never really been as close, as most siblings were, but… that had always been more of my fault than his, cause unlike me, he always tried, no matter what, to bring us the family together, and I'd always loved him for that, he was my big brother, my childhood hero, other kids had superman, or batman, or even the Joker, but I had Dean, Dean solid dependable, always there, Dean, Dean who always did his best to throw a thanksgiving dinner, or a good Christmas, hell's bell's he even tried to get me interested in Easter, but not Halloween, not even Dean was bold or cocky enough for that.

It didn't help, that I knew Dean was drinking, well of course Dean always did drink, but never this much, I knew he did his best to hide it, but even after brushing his teeth, and chewing peppermint gum, even after two showers, Dean always had that sickly sweet aroma of Molasses, which I knew all too well from dad, and it killed me inside, to know that I was the cause of it, that the reason behind my brother's heavy drinking, was all because of ME! Because he was afraid of me!

Oh he never came out and said it, he never even acknowledged it, but I could see in his eyes, the anger, the fear, the disgust, there was only so much booze could cover up, I could only imagine, the things I had done, to elicit such a response, and I had a pretty vivid imagination.

I hated, it, the demon, hated that she had caused this rift between me, and my childhood hero, hated that me and him now lived in different areas of town, hated that Dean wouldn't even tell me where it was that he stayed when we settled down in the night, I hated that I now saw just the faintest glimmerings of cold instinctual hatred in his emerald eyes, hatred for me.

But I knew, that no matter what, Dean wouldn't leave me, he wouldn't ever try and pick up and abandon me in the middle of nowhere, because he loved me, and nothing would ever change that, not even whatever it was that that Demon had done, to hurt him so badly. And that was something at least, it meant there was at least some hope, for reconciliation between us, some glimmering of hope, that somehow I could make things right with him, and I suppose I really couldn't ask for much more than that.

**Dean POV.**

I gulped, down what was now my third large bottle of mineral drinking water, when you got right down to it, there wasn't much that you really do for a hangover, except take some left over Darvocet, and drink a lot of water, least in my case.

There wasn't much better for you, to get right and sober, other than water, in fact one of the main, reasons you even had hangovers, was that your body was dehydrated by the alcohol.

So I drank water, and lots of it, when I glimpsed Sam on the side of the road, waiting duffel bag at his side, my first instinct, was to hit the gas petal, and ram the chevy 67 Impala, straight into the vulnerable figure, of him, that monster, that creature who had so thoroughly, violated, and tormented me, to wipe that smug grin off his face, to stare into those cold impassive forest green eyes, and see that sadistic glint be replaced with the dull lifeless, look of the deceased.

I almost gave into that urge, almost, but then, reason hit that animal part of me, over the head with a baseball bat, and I quickly gained control back over my emotions, and drove over, till the Impala was a mere two feet away.

Sam flashed me a quick smile, before loading his things into the back.

And just for an instant, the smile was that same sadistic sardonic one, I'd seen back I the basement, and then as quickly as that moment came, it was gone, and the smile was his usual, friendly one.

I closed my eyes, and thought, of the good times, the times back when things were so simple, and if we were lucky, we could go on for a whole year, or two, without even catching the faintest whiff of a demon.

"So where to?" I asked when Sam got in, and closed the door. "Umm… well I heard tale, of a mauling in San Francisco, apparently some lawyer, guy got really ripped up but some sort of wild animal."

I glanced at him, and shrugged, "Doesn't sound too unusual, I mean, even I on a good day, would like to take a piece or two out of a good arrogant lawyer, some rabid dog, perhaps."

Sam nodded, "Yeah, and usually I'd agree with you, except that, the guy was mauled inside, his building, on the eighth floor, and his heart was missing."

"Hmm, Werewolf." I grunted.

"Sounds like it, so you wanna check it out?"

"Sure." murmured, disinterestedly, and set the car in gear. And began driving away.

I was no mood, to deal with bucktoothed freak, honestly, but I needed something to do, something to shoot at, something that bled, I could really get down and dirty with, something I could release all this pent up frustration, and anger on.  
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**_Okay, just so you know, the thing about the water, and hangovers is 100 percent true, Madison is still gonna get shot, and i was sorta feeling uninspired by the end of this chapter, oh and i have no idea if i got the floor right, in truth i kinda just made it up, i forgot, but really who the hell gives a damn. anyway please people, REVIEW!, i want to hear your thoughts on how i am treating the loveable, if somewhat depressing_**, **_heap a human junk, that is Dean Judas Winchester._**


	3. Chapter 3

I sighed, as I stared down at my hand, was I really that predictable? God I really needed to go with rock, or maybe scissors, some time, so I didn't get clobbered by Sam all the time.

I closed my eyes, as I thought of me being clobbered by Sam, the way how, he'd smashed my face down, into the floor, again and again, the agony that had ignited in my face, white hot in its intensity.

The way, how my hands, had burned, with their cracked and broken bones, and how I had concentrated on that pain, on all the pain in my upper body, while Sam, had pounded away at me, in an effort to keep my mind off, both what was happening to me, and as an effort not to give into any sinful urges, to respond to my Brother.

Oh I was straight, all the way full on straight, I loved women, and I definitely did not feel that way about my Brother, but there had been a sort of, thing, an animalistic thing, that had gone on there, that my own inner animal had responded to.

Pain in my palms, jerked me from my reverie, and I looked down, to see that I'd been clenching my hands, so hard my nails, had dug into the flesh of my own hands.

"Damn you, Sammy!" I cursed softly, and I closed my eyes again, fighting back a sob. I'd meant to say, "Damn you Meg!" but I hadn't, I'd said Sammy, why? Because… because it had been him down in that basement. Oh it may not have been him who directed his body, to do all those terrible things to me, but it had been his face, his body, his hands, his… everything… and, and a part of me just couldn't accept that, Sam hadn't been totally aware, at that moment, and hadn't been able to stop what had happened to me.

I felt, the straight razor, I'd previously only used, as a shaving implement, call to me, and I stiffened, and clenched my jaw.

*Not, here, the werewolf could come at any moment, not HERE!* I begged silently. My wrists were tingling, and I could feel every once of the marks, I'd carved into my flesh, feel them returning, the Straight Razor's, calls, and here them begging me, to let uncle Razor, come by for a quick cut of the birthday cake and run.

I cursed, "Screw it!" and hurriedly set aside my gun, yanked out, the straight razor, and my lighter, and looking around, to make sure no one, was watching.

Began running the flame, over the blade, to sterilize it.

I could practically feel, the release of endorphins already, and I felt, a hungry smile spread across my features, as that phantom euphoria, filled me, and I was quickly becoming very desperate indeed for the full sensational rush, that the real endorphins would give me.

And then, I heard the smashing, of the glass, and I froze. "What the hell?"

I grabbed up, my gun, pocketed the lighter, and closed up the straight razor, before ten grabbing my flashlight, and running for the creepy Kurt guy's apartment.

When I got there, I was unprepared for what I saw. I saw a girl, hunched over, Kurt's dead body, saw his shocked horrified expression, saw her, ripping at that chest of his, trying to get at his heart.

I felt, something crunch under my booted foot, and I winced, as the tinkling of glass, reached my ears.

The girl, stiffened, and then whirrled around, to face me. And it was Madison.

I swore. And she leapt.

She knocked aside, my gun, and I kicked at her, and tried to go for my backup gun, in the waistband of my pants. But she grabbed my leg, and turned, pulling my down and around with her.

She glared down at me, and I knew I was screwed, and then, I felt the cold silver, of the straight razor in my hand, and I instinctively knew what to do, and did it.

Madison screeched, as the blade sunk deep into the flesh of her wrist, as she reached for me, and detered by the feel, of the silver, she then instead kicked out at me, her foot, meeting, my chest, and I was flung back, and against the wall.

I heard something crack, as my head hit the dry wall, and I fervently hoped it was the wall, and not my head.

I heard another snarl, before I heard the tinkling of glass again, and Madison, ran away.

"Yeah," I grunted, stumbling forward, on unsteady feet, 'You better run bitch!" and then I fell over unconscious.

When I woke up, the sun was beginning to rise, my head felt like I had drank about 2 or 3 bottles of absinthe, and oh yeah, I had something sticky in my hair… it was blood… I really couldn't tell whose blood it was, but I could tell, that the cracking I'd heard a few hours ago, had in fact been the wall, and not my skull, or my neck.

I got woozily, up to my feet, pain filling my head, at my every move, there were three things I really wanted right now.

1 I wanted to kick that Madison's girl's ass.

2 I really wanted to just lay down right now.

And 3 where in the hell was my straight razor when I needed it?

I found the latter stuck to my hand of all places, by a large glob of blood, when I tried to rub at my head, which caused the folded blade, to dig in a little, into that really sore part of my skull.

I cursed, and rolled up, the left sleeve of my shirt, and got ready to cut, sterilization be damned, I needed relief now!

And then, I paused, and turned.

There on the counter, beside me, was an amber vial. I closed the razor, and picked up the bottle, to check the label.

**Vicodin ES.**

**Hydrocodone 7.5 mg, acetaminophen 750 mg.**

**Qty 20**

I looked, first at the vial, and then at the scars crisscrossing my arm. I pocketed the straight razor, popped the lid off the Vicodin, dumped 2 into the palm of my hand, and swallowed.

Then I reached into my pocket, and called Sam, I needed to be sure he was alright, as well as to break the news to him, that the seemingly innocent girl, was in fact playing possum... god i hated Werewolves, almost as bad as fucking demons! 


	4. Chapter 4

**_okay, time for, MORE Sam/Dean Angst, not really sure where this is all going, but i know its not good, least for Dean anyway, but i suppose you may have gotten that, from him Cutting himself, and drinking himself into sleep, as well as his snatching of the Vicodin. anyway Review please._**

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"Are you kidding me, Sam!" I demanded, heatedly at him, "She's a werewolf! We don't coddle, monsters, we hunt them! She's a werewolf, she kills people, that spells out a great big MONSTER! In my book Sammy!"

"look Dean, I know its a big risk, but she says she doesn't remember anything!" I snorted, "Yeah and if I had a nickle for every time I heard that one, I'd be friggin rich, and I wouldn't need to scam money off low level bankers, and dart games, and such."

Sam sighed, "Look Dean, I know how it sounds, but I think she's telling the truth here, I mean what if she is, what if its completely out of her control, and she isn't conscious while she does all those things."

I laughed, a little uneasily, this was sounding so familiar all of the sudden, "Then I'd still shoot her dead, Sam, for her own damn sake, as well as the sake of those who she rips up later."

Sam, looked at me, obviously desperate to make me understand. "Please Dean, what if that was me in there again? Huh, what if you had just shot me like any other monster, like Meg wanted?"

Rage, filled me, and I leapt forward, and slammed him against the wall, "Then maybe I wouldn't be drinking so much, and MAYBE I wouldn't be so dam n scared of you Sammy," I snarled, "Maybe I wouldn't need, the whiskey, to get myself sleep, and maybe I wouldn't wake up in the middle of the night, shivering from the nightmares, YOU gave ME!"

"D-dean!" Sam croaked, and I realized… my hand was around his throat, and his face was starting to turn, an unnatural shade of purple."

I released my grip on him, at first, feeling… pride, and… satisfied, at having done what I did… and then Sam, who was now massaging at his throat, doubled over, looked up at me, with shocked, and hurt filled eyes.

And then the horror set in, and the regret. "Oh god, Sammy, I-" I began to apologize. But he waved me off, coughing lightly, "Its okay, I, I shouldn't have brought it up, I'm-"

But I cut him off, "Don't you dare say your sorry Sam, I shouldn't have done that, I'm sorry, I… you know what, your right, as usual umm, I gotta go, gotta keep an eye out for that other wolf, keep the streets safe, that sorta thing."

I grinned fakely at him, and then I ran away, and to the Impala, and drove off, those hurt green, eyes, following me all the way.

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I stared, off into the blackness of space, thinking about my life… it wasn't very entertaining, really quite sad actually.

I had stopped the car, long ago, after finding absolutely no trace of anything, anywhere near… well anywhere.

I really thought, Sam should just suck it up, and shoot Madison already, but, that damned sense of morality of his, just kept on getting in the way of things, as per usual.

I sighed, and popped a pill, into my mouth. There wasn't even any guarantee that this plan of his would work, all we had to go on, was lore, and superstition, and that was it.

Whereas, it was 100 percent fact, that Sam was in danger, there was a chance he could actually DIE! If that Madison girl, got loose. I should be there, helping him, protecting him from her, keeping him safe.

**Protect Sam!**

I ground, my teeth together, as the words, my father had spent so long, drilling into my head, reverberated around my skull, over and over again, steadily getting louder, and louder.

**Protect Sam, Protect Sam! PROTECT SAM!**

The words, repeated in my head, over and over again, like a broken record, until suddenly, they stopped! I just sat there, for a long moment, wondering what had happened, and then I sighed with relief, as the pill finally took hold. Warm, sweet bliss filled my body.

I felt, the liquid warmth, spread throughout my body, starting from my sternum, to spread up to fill the very hairs on my head, to down, to my very tipytoes.

I couldn't stop the goofy, smile that spread across my face, even if I had wanted to. God this felt so gooood! I actually moaned a little, as the powerful opioid filled my body up to brimming, with this wonderful liquid heat, this pleasure, I usually either found in a bottle, or in the very climax of sex.

Or with Jo… I thought that last part, with just tint of sadness, Jo was sweet, nice, funny, cocky like me, I really liked her, loved dancing with her, and really liked her ass.

I thought about Jo, another few seconds, before letting the Vicodin wash that sadness away. I didn't want to be sad now, I wanted to be happy, I wanted to feel good about myself, I wanted…

I heard a scream, break the eerie silence, of the night. And I was instantly, alert, liquid warmth gone, from years of experience and practice, I pushed all euphoria and muzziness away, and replaced it with cold determined, calculation, and weariness.

I grabbed up, my colt 1911, checked the mag, to make sure it was fully loaded, and exited the car.

I saw, the man snarling, at the blond woman, saw the teeth, and did just as my father had taught me to, I fired.

The first round hit the werewolf, in the stomach doubling it over, the second hit in the shoulder, and the third hit him right in the chest.

I must have missed, the heart though, cause the werewolf just howled in rage and agony, and charged me.

I saw into its green eyes, dark and full of animalistic rage, and hatred… and just for an instant, those eyes, were Sam's eyes, when I said God's name. and I froze, terror, and hatred warring for dominance inside me.

And then Dad's training kicked in, and it was once again, just a werewolf, just another monster to be put down, just like the rest of them… I fired… and this time I didn't miss.

The werewolf, came to stumbling halt, before falling down to the ground… dead.

I looked down, at the body, and recognized it, as Madison's nextdoor neighbor Glen.

I opened up my phone, and dialed Sam's number, to let him know, it was done, and that Madison, should be home free now.

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_**And as we walk, to the lost grounds of heaven tonight, to the battered face of the soul, were damned from power, burnt black, watch as we crush their laws. Genocide, by Deathstars**_

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_**So, what did you think of this chapter? good, bad? i myself loved having Dean almost choke Sam out, Sam really needs to learn how to let things lie.  
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	5. Chapter 5

**_So, what chapter is this again? 5.. yeah i think its 5.. anyway, so what you guys think of the story so far, i myself love it, but then i would i'm the author, its practically my job to love it, anyway, oh um just thought i'd make something clear, to those who read this, though really how many of us actually do read these things anyway... do to a review i got on my Twilight story Tongues, i just thought i'd make it clear right here and now, that i am in fact, a man... well alright a boy to some, but in my own head i am a man... well guy anyway, of the male persuasion right, right anyway i am 15, as of some time in july not sure when, anyway read and REVIEW people._**

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**_PS placed about 4 hours or so after Sam shot Madison.  
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I stared out the windshield, and Sam stared out the window, neither of us looking at each other… several times we tried to start up something approximating a real conversation, but each time we failed.

Mostly it was me, who tried conversation, but Sam did try as well… I knew I really should say something, comforting and brotherly… but really I just wanted to wanted to dig out, either the med kit, or the prescription bottle of Vicodin.

There were several Oxycontin in the medkit, 10 mg, I'd taken some before, and I had to say it was some great stuff, though I'd never actually used it for recreational purposes.

But sadly, with Sam in the car, something, that did not at all please my inner beast, who understood nothing of demon possession, or shape shifters. But did in fact understand pain, and anger, as well as hate, really quite very well.

I didn't know what all had happened, between my brother, and Madison, but I did know that they had slept together, and my brother didn't generally go for one night stands, or cheap hookups, no he generally had feelings for the girls he slept with… which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but wasn't really a good thing either… not in this line of work.

Despite the instinctive pain & hatred, I felt towards Sam, because of what he'd done to me, I knew that I would have to give in at least a little to my much more stronger brotherly feelings, and at least spend the night in the same Motel with him, I think I could take that, I probably wouldn't be able to manage the same room. The beast raised its bloody black panther head, and began flexing its huge paws, causing its claws to extend and retract, experimentally. Scratch that, I knew I wouldn't be able to really manage the same room, with Sam, but the same motel wouldn't really hurt, right?

"There's a good motel up ahead," I murmured softly, Sam remained silent… "I think, it'd be best if we got rested up, kay? I mean, I know its only been about 4 hours, but honestly, you look like shit, and I feel about the same too."

"And where'll you be staying?" Sam asked, his voice low, and flat. he always asked that question nowadays, since… since the thing with the demon happened, and usually I gave him the same answer of 'Not here.' but this time was different… this time my little brother was in pain, and no matter what, I didn't like seeing my one and only little brother in pain, particularly if its because of me, "About a floor up, or so."

Sam's head jerked upright, and he stared over at me, for a long moment… "Thanks Dean," he said softly, and I could hear the raw emotion in his voice, "I… I know I did something to you… I mean I know I did a lot of things to you, and… and I can't tell you how sorry I am, or how much I wish I could take it all back, and I know that… that it can't possibly be easy for you… but well thanks anyway."

I didn't look at him, I just drove on, saying gruffly, "Your welcome."

When we got up to Sam's room, we hugged awkwardly… or well rather e hugged me, and I stood there stiff as board and took it… mentally beating the beast back with a crowbar and a heavy metal chain, to keep from attacking Sam.

Sam seemed to notice, this and released me, giving me an apologetic look, before turning to his door, and unlocking it, with his key.

I turned, to head to the elevator, "Dean wait?" Sam called out, and I stiffened, remembering that voice, from behind, that voice shouting out, its pleasure, its jubilation, at having broken me of my… innocence, of the way things worked for those who swung that way.

I gritted my teeth, before slowly turning around, to look at my brother, fighting not to go for my straight razor, when I saw those familiar forest green eyes, and carve them from their sockets, and force em down his throat… oh the things I wanted to do to him, the things wanted him to experience, to make HIM! Pay for, I wanted to douse him in alcohol, and light a match, then do it again later, when he'd healed up…. I hear getting burned up in the same place hurt even worse than the first actual burning.

I beat that rage and disgust, that hatred, for the shell of the creature, who had so thoroughly violated, and tormented me, down to where it was at manageable levels, and plastered a fake helpful grin on my face, "Yeah Sammy what is it?" I asked, my voice loud and cheerful, and likewise completely fake.

"  
"C-could you stay with me, just… just for the night Dean, just for this one night… please?" Sam asked stuttering a little. I dropped the smile, unable to keep that rage, disgust, and hatred, from twisting my face up, into something ugly and menacing.

And just for an instant I saw, that other equally menacing, but even colder, and a thousand times crueler expression, cross Sam's face, and I felt my hand twitch towards my Colt, and then the face was gone, replaced with the image of Sam flinching, but not stepping back, like he should have, he set his jaw in a stubborn line, and stood his ground.

That irritated the hell out of me, and my irritation increased ten fold, when he opened his mouth and said, "Look Dean, I… I know it's a lot to ask, but please… I just I really need to not be alone tonight, and… well I just I don't wanna end up doing something stupid, out of a sense of loneliness, or anything kay?"

I felt a small SMALL twinge of pride, towards my brother, for his courage, and another much larger twang, of Anger, pain, and disdain. *yeah sure, you don't want to do anything stupid, no you just wanna do something, almost inconceivably curel, to your own flesh and blood, like you did before in that cavern!* I thought viciously, *you think I'll just let you get away with it this time? Well think again sammy, you try and go for any of your little toys, and I'll show you why dad liked having me along with him, on his hunts, so much back when I was a kid and still loved to torment small furry creatures!*

Protect Sam! I heard my father's voice ring out, loud, clear and commanding… Protect Sam! Sam… Sammy…

I wanted to slug him, to rip his intestines out, and feed them to him, to take some pliers to that nose of his, and twist it into a horrid bloody mess… but I did none of those things, instead I closed my eyes, counted to ten in Gaelic. And then, I said, as clearly and calmly as I could manage, "Sam… please, you don't know what your asking me to do,"

Sam, kissing and sucking me, and his fingers probing and exploring my body, pain radiating from where his fingers violated, and tormented me, his face, a perfect picture of glee, as he forced me to come, screaming in a horrible, horrible, mixture of rapture and agony. His body curling up next to me, wrapping his arms around my chest, and running his tongue along the shell of my ear, before his voice asked, "Was it as good for you as it was for me?" and me whimpering.

I closed my eyes, fighting back hot tears, of humiliation, pain, and anger, at having been so thoroughly broken, and by the one person I'd trusted, most of all with anything, I could ever possibly have, that was important to me, the person I would give my life for, that I would literally die to protect if necessary.

Oh sure, I knew that he himself would never do anything even remotely like that, to me… but all the same, it had been his voice, his eyes, his body, his… everything… and I couldn't help but have an instinctive, hatred of something that looked so, much like, what had committed those horrendous deeds against my form… hell I was kidding, if I thought I could actually get through a whole night, with Sam, in the same room without either killing him, or… or something else…

I looked into my brother's dark pleading gaze, his forest green eyes, eyes so warm and compassionate, that it didn't seem possible, that they could ever be so cruel, and cold, so reptilian and hate inducing… but I knew for a fact, that they very well could.

I looked into those eyes, and made a decision. I sighed, tossed my bag inside, next to the bed on the right, and settled down on the bed, to begin undoing my boot laces.

"Thanks Dean," I heard Sam say, "I know it can't be easy for you, and that-"

I tuned out, his words, so they becamee meaningless blather, and into the siren, bittersweet call, of the small packet of Vicodin, hidden away in the little brown paper bag, that also contained my toothpaste, toothbrush, and my straight razor. *Soon my sweet bitterness,* I thought, *soon* I wasn't an addict, I just needed a little something, to get me to sleep tonight, just tonight, just something to calm that raging beast inside of me, so I don't slit Sam's throat in the middle of the night… that was okay right, please god, let i t be alright... i need this... okay?

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_Its okay._

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**_Okayy, when next we meet, Dean will probably be suffering from a few of the rather unwanted side effects of Hydrocodone, not sure which yet, but i do know that it oughta be good. so Review please._**


	6. Chapter 6

**_So what chapter is this, now? 6, 7... eh it doesn't matter_**.. _**anyway umm, i just wanted to shout out, to the author, Beyondwonder's story, Hollow... which is a superb Dean/Jo fic in my opinion, which you relaly oughta check out.**_

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_**as well as, WaxWarrior's fic, More than a feeling. which is the sequel to his previous fic, Sam, where's my car. its a pretty good Dean/Jo fic so far, pretty accurate interpretation of Dean's actions and thoughts sadly, but still great fic.**_

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_**and what else what else, oh yes, Right in front of her, by Calie1, a seriously long Dean/Jo fic, like 6 or 7 thousand words. and, Missing Chapters, by Lynsay, a mix of Sam/Ruby, Dean/Ruby, Dean/Jo, and Sam/Jo... its mostly Dean/Jo, least i think, and though she could benifit from a a Beta, please don't mention that, just tell her its a good story and stuff you know, i happen to like that fic, and would every much like her to finish it.  
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_** romance humor, and angst, in pretty much all of these fics. if you do check em out, please be sure to Review, just as you should be sure to Review this fic please. anyway on to the story.  
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I woke up, in the middle of the night, to the sensation of something… prodding, and pushing at my shoulder, "Dean," I heard a low voice whisper, and I was instantly on alert, "Dean, please wake up."

I felt the hand, on my shoulder again, I recognized the voice, and I felt the beast rise up inside me, and I don't know if it was the lingering effects of the Vicodin I'd consumed, during a false trip to the bathroom, or if I was just too damn tired to care enough, but I let the beast take over this time.

I reached up, between me and my brother, grabbed the front his shirt, and twisted in my bed, using the compact muscles in my upper body, to yank him forward, and over into the other side of the bed, I grabbed up my combat knife, from its place under my pillow, straddled his waist and held the blade to his throat.

Sam just lay there, frozen underneath me, and I looked down upon him, feeling eerily calm, with the Beast under control…. It was strange, with all its clawing and roaring, I'd of thought, that'd be more… well raging, beast like… but instead I just felt calm, cool, and collected, I saw how my brother's chest rose and fell, how his eyes were wide, and the pupils dilated with fear and surprise, saw the wild thoughts, race through his mind through his eyes, I felt a sadistic calculated urge, grow in me, as I looked down into those eyes.

For the first time in months, I was in control, complete and utter control, of my life, and if I so wanted to… I could get my vengeance at last, on that monster that had violated, and humiliated me, tormented me… sullied me. A slow savage smile, broke out across my face, yes I could get my vengeance, at last, I could use the knife, and carve those pretty little eyes, out of the monster's head, force the monster to swallow, I could then insert the knife into the monster's nostrils, and twist and turn the knife, I could remove the monster's scalp and hang it somewhere in the car as a trophy, I could insert the blade into the monster's mouth, and slowly pick away at the flesh underneath the monster's teeth, slowly work the teeth out, then the tongue, and then… and then so so much, so much power would be unto me, I would be in control of my life again, I wouldn't have to live in fear anymore, I could, I could…

And then… I blinked, and my rational mind was back, I saw the fear, and the panic in my brother's eyes, and the words, Protect Sam! reverberated in my skull, loud and clear, so loud and clear it hurt, and I dropped the blade from his throat.

"Sam, what the hell are you doing?" I asked softly, my voice low, but firm.

Sam looked down, away from my probing gaze, "I-I thought, maybe… maybe you and I could, sleep together, you know like we used to back when we were kids."

I stared at him, incredulously, "Sam, I'm pretty sure I made it clear earlier that, I had enough trouble, staying in the same hotel as you, let alone the same room… what in the hell were you thinking?" I demanded, and I couldn't keep the harshness out of my voice.

"Dean… I'm sorry, its just… I can't sleep Dean, every time I try I just, I keep seeing Madison, man, I keep seeing the look in her eyes, I remember, how it felt when we were in bed with each other, how… how good it felt to not be alone, and now…" Sam shrugged helplessly.

_Meg, thrusting Sam's body into me, and laughing, telling me, how much Sammy enjoyed it, how he loved it more than she did, and how sam had always felt about me that way._

_My tears, as I denied it furiously, calling her a liar, even as Sam's body plowed into me, ripping me up inside, blood trickling between my legs, as Sam's penis pounded into my ass… the only thing keeping me, from completely hating him, the fact that I was certain that Sam didn't want this any more than I did, and he was just as much a victim as I was… ***or so I thought.***_ i thought darkly.

Dark thoughts filled my mind, and I felt the bottle of jack call to me, heard its promise to numb the pain, to take all my sorrows and pain, and drown them. The pills, Vicodin, promised to not only numb the pain, it likewise promised to quiet the voice, to take all that responsibility from my shattered and torn shoulders and toss it aside, to leave me without a single care in the world, and simultaneously, make me one of the happiest men on the planet.

And then the Straight Razor called, straight razor, promised, to do so much more, with her siren call, she promised to not only make me happy, but to cut down those who had made me unhappy to begin with.

I thought of the straight razor in my hand, cold, silent and right… thought of Sam tied down to the bed, thought of the blade sinking into the muscle of his thigh, slowly but steadily cutting away that piece of him, and then my grin as I forced the piece of meat into his mouth and down his throat…

His hoarse pleas, so similar to my own, as I cut away more of him, forced the blood into a cup, and likewise forced him to drink it… the thought ofh is hand in mine, the feel of the hot blood pouring down his hand and across mine, as I cut away his fingers, and the cartilage of his knuckles, his screams as I used my zippo lighter to cauterize the stumps to prevent him from bleeding to death.

There was a special kinda fuse, a fuse that burned about as hot as the sun, a fuse that burned even under water… even inside something or someone's body.

I imagined my grin, as I brought the fuse out of the bag, as I forced a Viagra down my brother's throat, waited for the effects to kick in, and forced the fuse into my baby brother's organ, maybe then he could know my pain, my humiliation and violation…

Maybe then, he could know how it felt, to be so thoroughly betrayed and abused, by someone you knew, trusted, and loved, with everything you had in you.

I glared at him, and then without another word, I pushed off from the bed, and slid my black jeans on, and started doing up my Doc Martens. I had to go, get out of there, before I did something to Sam, I regretted in the morning.

"Dean where you going?" Sam asked, panic suffusing his voice, "Don't go, I'm sorry, I just-"

I cut him off, "No, Sammy, this was stupid, I shouldn't have let this happen, I know you, I know how you are after this sorta thing happens, I know you, and so I should have known this would happen… it was a bad idea to begin with, to stay here, with you…" I couldn't keep the disgust from my tone, and Sam obviously heard it, the hurt look in his eyes, was proof that he did. For just a second I regretted it, but then, determination and my own hurt filled me up to brimming, and I picked up my black bag, and stomped out of there.  
"Dean!" Sam called, and I ignored him, and pressed the call button for the elevator, "Dean wait, where are you going?"

I glared back at him, just as the elevator door opened, "Out!" I ground out, before I stepped onto the elevator, and pressed for the bottom floor.

I dumped my bag, into the passenger seat, dug out the Vicodin, and looked down at the pills remaining in the bottle.

When I had first gotten it, there had been about 23... There were 13 now.

I broke one in half, popped the first half into my mouth, and crunched it between my molars, and put the other into my front shirt pocket, before putting the pills aside, and driving off for the nearest bar.

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**_Hmm, so what do you guys think will happen now, Bar fight? yeah i'm pretty sure were in for a Bar fight now, not exaclty sure why, maybe Dean getting really drunk and mistaking some guy's girlfriend for Jo, dunno, just gonna have to wait to find out won't we? *grin* Review._**

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	7. Chapter 7

**_Chapter 7._**

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**_for those of you who like Dean/Jo fics, i just thought you should know that i have published two of them, one is an ongoing story titled Cassandra, the other is a oneshot that may or may not have sequel in the future, Defender._**

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**_And now, on with the story, please Review.  
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I watched impatiently, as the bartender, poured out yet another a generous measure of the jack Daniels, into my glass. When he was done, I immediately began chugging the whiskey down, feeling warmth rise up inside me, as the familiar burn went down my throat, and the whiskey bathed my insides with its glorious heat.

I was feeling a pleasant sorta numbness inside of me, and my thoughts were starting to get rather sluggish, for this was my 6th glass, and he had already confiscated my keys, or well what he thought were my keys, but I'd come prepared, and had stolen a set off a biker dude, I didn't like the looks of.

I thought of the earlier occurrences of tonight, thought of Sam, and how he'd come scarily close to being, the person I feared… the person, who had raped me.

I closed my eyes, and shuddered, as the warmth vanished from my body, leaving only the numbness, and the cold of then night, and the tingling sensation from my thigh.

I'd recently turned my attentions from my left arm, to my thigh.. Reasoning that I couldn't wear longsleeved shirts forever, but that Jeans were always in style, no matter what time of the year it was, particularly for hunters, who needed to take measures to protect as much of themselves as they could really get away with.

And besides, the black boxers I almost always wore, would probably hide most of the damage.

Shuddered slightly, closing my eyes, and holding the glass of whiskey to my forehead, as I unwillingly thought of that night, of how, Sam had tortured me, with the brass knuckles, and the matches, the smell and sound of sizzling roasting meat, my screams, and the malicious glee in Sam's familiar dark eyes, as he did this to me.

The feel of him pinning me down to the ground, his warm breath on my neck, his tongue in my ear, the feel of him shuddering in rapture, as he came inside of me, and his teeth grinding down on my neck, as he suppressed whimpers, and moans, and cries as he raped me.

I closed my eyes, tightly shut, and tried to think of anything, anything at all, that wasn't, that horrible day.

So I thought of Jo… I thought of how she had come into the room, and knocked Sam out, with her gun, and how she had looked, as I gazed up at her with awe wonder and relief.

Tall, thin, standing proud and erect, eyes blazing with righteous fury, golden hair spilling down her shoulders and back, and how it had seemed to turn from gold to pure white, just for an instant, and become the light of purity, and love and compassion.

How those last two, had filled her eyes, as she gazed down at me pitingly, and how she had knelt down, to stroke my dark hair from my forhead, and how my name had fallen from her soft rosepetal lips, _"Dean!"_

I remembered, how great it had felt, to be under her caring gaze, to be able to take comfort and warmth in her arms, and how my dreams had been silenced and evened out by her will, how the nightmares had gone, to be replaced with dreams of HER!

_"Jo-" _I whispered brokenly, she'd wanted to help, she really had, and she had helped, but… that was the problem, I couldn't let her help me, I could let this happen, couldn't let myself fall for her… I couldn't… let myself trust another, not like I had Sam… I just couldn't, it was an invitation to get hurt again.

Just as Sam, had hurt me all those years ago, when he'd run away, leaving me to deal with the consequences of his actions, leaving me to pick up the slack, me to clean up dad's messes, alone… and unwanted.

How Sam, had again, proved to me, just how much he truly hated me, by filling my chest full of rocksalt, how he had left me one again, back during that how damn scarcrow incident, despite how much I'd needed him, despite how helpless he'd left me to those people.

And then once again, he proved to me, just how stupid it was to trust someone with your heart and soul, when he pistol whipped me, went after the woman I cared most about, beat me, tortured me, and and…

I took a long, deep sip of the jack, feeling it scorch a path down my throat, and through my intestines, straight to my stomach, where it then proceeded to infect my blood, eat away at my stomach lining, eat away at my liver, and kill off a few more of my brain cells.

I felt pain, filling my heart, and my soul… felt tears fall down my face, and into my glass.

Under normal circumstances, I probably would've wanted to get the hell out of there, or try to stuanch the water works… but then these were hardly normal circumstances, and then again this was a fancy disco club, hardly a single normal light in the place, and what light there was was dark, and besides that, there were lot of goths and emos in the place, so a few tears weren't really an issue.

I felt a hand, come down on my shoulder, and I looked up to see, an evil looking face, sneering down at me.

"Hey pal, your in my seat!" he growled, low and menacingly… or at least I think that was what he was trying to do, but I'd seen more than my fair share of snarling monsters, and beasts, as well as just your regular old run of the mill psychopaths… so a drunk with an attitude problem, not som uch a big deal.

I should have handled it like a professional hunter… very much like myself or dad or even Sam. But I wasn't feeling very professional just now, and niether was I feeling very kindly towards either my father or my brother, the former for dumping far more responsibility on me than anyone at any age should ever have to have, let alone a 5 year old who'd just lost his home and his mother, and for forcing me into a life, that meant I had no friends, no sympathetic shoulds to cry on, no mother to cook me dinner when I was hungry, and to top it off a little brother who would later abandon, forcing me to bear the brunt of dad's fury, and to take up the slack left by his abscense.

And the latter, for as I said abandoning me to dad's fists, his disaproval, and more work on my already over worn shoulders, filling my chest full of rocksalt, beating me to a bloody pulp… and, AND!

I slammed the whiskey glass, into the drunk man's jaw, shattering it, and causing splinters of broken glass to slice and bury themselves into my hand. I ignored the pain, feeling all the rage, and hurt, and betrayal, I'd been feeling for so long now, bubble and roil up inside me. I kicked out at the dazed man's ribs, hearing and feeling the satisfying crack of ribs under the blow.

I heard a woman scream, and then more people screaming, and saw a fist come at my jaw, that I couldn't avoid. So I tucked my tongue inside my mouth, and turned chin up to catch the brunt of the blow… there were advantages, to having a strong jaw and slightly clefted chin… for one thing they do great at absorbing punches, particularly if the chin is lined up with at least one of the knuckles coming at you… which mine was.

I felt the blow, heard the crunch of the man's knuckles, heard the scream of pain, saw a few stars, and turned my face back down, painfully, to glare baefully at the man who'd just hit me… and I decided, I still had a lot of anger and pain to work off.

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I woke up, later, much later, so later in fact that the sun was starting to rise… beside the impala, on the side of the road, next to a drying pool of my own vomit. I groaned, as my head, jaw, chin, and ribs. Not to mention my fists, throbbed with agony.

But I was relatively sober at least. I must of drank a lot of water. There was little better for a hangover than water… cept maybe red bull, lemon lime strawberry Gatorade, and Vicodin… and possibly my straight razor… or at least that was MY opnion on the matter.

I groaned again, as I got up and sat in the seat of my beloved impala.

Something horrible seemed to have crawled nto my mouth… and it was very little of a relief to discover, it was my tongue.

I grabbed up, my fallen water bottle, and took several long pulls from it.

I looked down at my phone, which showed that I had 4 missed calls from Sam… I groaned again, tried to go for my straight razor missed, and tried again… my thoughts were still fuzzy, and sluggish, and my vision not nearly as impaired than it should have been considering the fact that, I had 2 empty bottles of jack daniels, sitting on my dash board, and a half full one, next to my gas pedal.

But they were all still pretty scrambled.

So I looked around, relived to see that I appeared to be out in pretty much the middle of nowhere.

I pulled out my Heckler & Koch MP5K, fired off about 13 rounds from the 30 round clip, into the empty air, pulled down my shirt and pressed the steaming barrel against the bare flesh of my neck.

I screamed, in agony, as the hot barrel seared my flesh, and caused the world to explode into new and horrible clarity. And I yanked the gun away from my neck, and ropped it back into its hidden compartment under my seat.

Sam, I had to get to Sam, he was stuck at that motel, worried sick no doubt, I had to get my shit together, clean up the impala of all the evidence I could, as well as myself.

I had to pick up Sam, get a new hunt in order, possibly one involving fire, to explain the burn away if I could hide it that long.

I wasted no time, in cleaning up the impala of incriminating evidence, that could point to my being drunk, and spent even less time, removing my clothes from my body, and replacing them with fresh, ones, that didn't reek of whiskey and blood, and gunpowder.

Not much I could do about my own apperence and smell, but it would have to do.

On the way back to the motel, I caught the whiff of my own seared flesh, sickly sweet, and hunger inducing. And I had to pull over to the side of the road again, to vomit up what little I had left in my stomach, from the nausea.

But I didn't let that stop me, immediately after that, I got right back in the car, and started driving again, to hell with myself, I had to get to Sam, protect Sam… Sam… sammy. It was practically written on my soul, **Protect Sam!**

God, I hated that imperative, that mission my father had given me, to think of beyond all else, that need that had become a basic task, for me to Protect Sam, even at my own fucking expense… terrific, just fucking terrific.

When I got there, it was pretty much as before… only Sam didn't smile this time, instead he just looked worried, but he didn't say anything, he didn't question the fact that I had a large purple bruise on my jaw about the size and shape of Kentucky, and that my breath still reeked of vomit and alcohol, despite my best efforts with the peppermint gum.

When he finally did speak, he said, "Hey Dean, whats that on your neck?" I stiffened, both at the question, and the concerned note in his voice.

"Whats, what on my neck?" I asked nonchalantly, and cast a sideways glance at him, his dark eyes were concerned, and worried, "It looks like a rash or something."

I frowned, and reached up to my neck, and felt a several very small bumps on my neck, and suddenly my neck seemed to be on fire with a painful mixture of itchyness and pain, like fire ant bites.

I had a flashback, to one of the lectures Dad had given me, on Opioids, and opiates, and remembered that one of the possible side effects, could be rashes and hives on areas of your body.

I sighed, couldn't I EVER get a break… Winchester luck, always bad.

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**_Chapter 7, inspired partly from Anthony Steward Head's, song, Owning My Mistakes, and Deathstar's, Virtue to Vice. Reviews please! lots of reviews, more reviews i got the more encouragment i have to spend more of my precious time writing more chapters._**


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8. If you were the heavens i would be the wind, if you were the saint than i would be your sin.**_

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Pain, beautiful fiery pain, ever so familiar, as the razor slid across my flesh, spilling hot blood down my leg, and filing my body up to my eyeballs with enorphins, as the blade bit into my flesh, sharper than Lucifer's teeth.

I had gotten use to the pain, of cutting myself, grown ever so familiar with it, gotten accustomed to how it burned me, and at the same time brought such bliss and dick hardening pleasure, it was so wonderful.

I just sat there, chuckling darkly, and using the blood from my naked thigh, as lubricant, I began jacking off, right there and then…

I went through a variety of women, in many positions, but I found my mind just kept wondering to Jo, no matter how much I tried to go for other women, Cassie, that brunette with the electric blue eyes and the nice smile. It didn't matter I just kept thinking of Jo, when I finally came into my hand… it was Jo I found myself thinking of, Jo, how great it would've been, to have taken her, back at Bobby's when I had the chance, how wonderful her scent was, how I always found myself losing myself in the dark emerald green of her wonderful eyes.

How great she made me feel… and how much I wished I had done a lot more than what I had, back in Bobby's house.

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_Flashback, 3 months ago._

_I just sat there, in the chair, quietly enjoying, Baywatch, as the tanned athletic women, ran about the place, breasts bouncing up and down…_

_Up and down… up and… ahh crap. I looked down at the bulge in my pants, and decided I needed to stop watching things that got me horny, while in Bobby's place, particularly when Jo was still in the house, and everyone else was gone… just got too awkward otherwise._

_I got painfully up to my feet, and made my way slowly to the kitchen, mindful of my mending ribs and hands._

_I was more or less healed up already, least enough to hunt… but Bobby and Sam, andn ot ot mention Jo, just wouldn't have it, and so I was condemned, to this boring craphole, with nothing to do, but drink, have nightmares, and stare at Jo as she bent over to pick things up, and stuff…_

_Such as right now…_

_I stared at Jo, as she kneeled down on the floor, scrubbing at the inside of the oven furiously, with gloved hands, and a wash cloth, as well as a heavy metal spatula…_

_Say what you may about Jo being rather young, but Jo had a great ass… oh sure she had other great attributes as well… but her ass was definetly at the top of the list, of reasons why it would be great to sleep with her… just a one time thing you know, nothing serious._

_I sighed, problem was, there were limits I wasn't about to cross, and Ellen's limits were among them… she'd made it clear, that if I even thought of getting involved with her daughter, she'd shoot me up full of rocksalt, and burn me alive…_

_*That isn't the only reason, you don't want to get involved with her, and you know it, Deano!* I grimaced, as that nastly little voice in my head, made itself known._

_*You care about her Deano, you care about her like nobodies business, and you don't want to get involved with her, because your just flat out too chicken shit scared, of getting her hurt, or maybe even worse, hurting her yourself, my god you are so pathetic, its hard to actually believe that your for real!*_

_I gritted my teeth and thought (Number 1, don't call me Deano, number 2, that is so not true, I like Jo, I do, I just don't want a load of Rocksalt up my ass, and corkscrew in little Dean…) I shivered, even as I thought that last one, there had actually been a corkscrew on that table of Sam/Meg's, and he/she had made it pretty clear on what he/she intended on doing with it._

_*Whatever gets you to sleep at night, around her Deano, oh wait that's right, you aren't sleeping, least not without a little help of good ole Jo, that is. Seriously last night, when she burst into the room, shotgun in her arms, and we lay in the bed, sweating our asses off, because of that little nightmare we had which ended with you screaming your head off, oh boy, was your face red, may not have seen it, but sure as hell could feel it. Remember how Jo, had to hold you, had to let you cry into her chest like a little girl, I mean really Deano- oh I'm sorry Dean, what do you call that, if not pathetic, and needy… and more than that, why is it, that, that little charm Bobby cooked up for you, to give you a dreamless sleep, works about as well as those fucking hypnosist tapes, and yet one touch from Jo, has your heart rate going down to about 80 beats per hour, and sleepin like a babe… you seriously expect me to belive that she has that effect on you, and she doesn't have any sorta hold on your heart… unbelievable.*_

_I wanted to tear, my inner voice a new hole to speak out of,but knew he was right, even if I was loathed to admit it… Joanna Beth Harvelle, did have a special place in my heart… had since she broke my nose, and snatched that shotgun back out of my hands._

_It was dangerous, and crazy… but somehow, I had… developed feelings for Jo, feelings that I had only really felt for one other woman, in my whole life. And that was Cassy, and look how that turned out._

_I watched, Jo's lithe muscles flexing and shifting, under the fabric of her black tank top, watched the cruvs of her buttocks, as she shifted from her knees, to her feet, and so on… before I cleared my throat, and knocked lightly on side of the door._

_Jo jumped, a little, and turned around, and laughed a little uneasily, when she saw me standing there in the doorway, "Jesus, Dean, don't scare me like that, you move like fucking cat." I shrugged, and gave her a sheepish grin, "Sorry, just habit I guess, you gotta stay on your toes, if your gonna live as a hunter, or else your very likely to end up dying as one."_

_The room fell into an uncomfortable silence, with the slight exception of the tv, as a rerun of House, came on._

_"So umm…" Jo started, looking around the room, "what are you doing up and about, I'm pretty sure Bobby and Sam both said you shouldn't be straining yourself, that you need your rest, and I agree, you were in pretty rough shape when we found you, and…"_  
_She faltered, staring down at the floor, as she realized that… she really shouldn't have mentioned Sam, and what had happened to me, all pretty much in the same sentence._

_"Yeah, bedrest, cause I'm injured and stuff, right… well Sammy sure should know all about that shouldn't he!" I laughed bitterly, as I flashed back, to **Sam's fist drawing back, and lashing out at my face, the brass knuckles, clenched in his fist, colliding with my jaw, and cracking 3 of my teeth, the spikes piercing the flesh of my cheek and lower lip, all the way through into my mouth and gums.**_

**_I remembered the pain, of the blow, the agony the spikes inflicted on my gums, and where they had partily penetrated my tongue… I remembered screaming at Sam to stop, screaming for his mercy…_**

_I shook the mental images and phantom pain, away, and looked up from my own starting contest with the floor, to look at Jo, "we'ere out of beet, and I was sorta hoping you and I could drive out to the nearest store or liquor store… well you can drive, and I can… just lounge in the passenger seat, and stare out the window." I said it as casually as I could manage, but I saw a small light spark, in Jo's exquisite green eyes, and felt an answering light inside me, spark up in response._

_"sure, let me just pick up my keys, and we can go right away." she smiled, obviously happy, to be going out with me somewhere, even if it was just to a local liquor store… and oh god, I felt a small warmth filling my own heart… this wasn't good, this wasn't good at all, and I wanted to take back the last 6 minutes of my life, but sadly that was beyond my power, so, I just popped a Fioircet, into my mouth, winced as my wrists gave complaint, at the sudden movement, and moved over to the door, to wait for Jo._

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_End Flashback. TO be continued in next chapter or so, I assure you, anyway on with the present._

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I was just washing up the last bit of my blood and cum, from the floor. When a knock came at the door.

I swore, and pulled my jeans on, then pulled out my MP5K, checked that the mag was full, and the selector switch was set to full auto, before moving cautiously over to the door, and cracking the door open.

I saw, Sam, and began to open the door, but then paused, and said, "Christo." nothing happened, besides Sam, giving me an annoyed look, and saying, "Dean are you just going to stand there, or are you gonna let me in, we got a case."

I shrugged, and opened the door up the rest of the way, certainly did sound like Sam.

"kay, what do we got?' I asked, semi eagerly, even as I scratched irritatedly, at the inflamed flesh of my neck, I'd had this side effect of Opioids, before, and knew it would pass soon enough, I just wish it'd hurry the hell up.

"Well, for starters, we got 9 dissaperences in the 2 months, an 7 bodies, found out in the woods, torn up and drained of most of their blood… their blaming it on kugers.

I grimaced, already having a pretty good idea of what we were dealing with, "Vampires?" I asked tiredly, Sam nodded, "Vampires."

I checked my MP5K, again, making sure I had the 30 round, magazine, and not the 15 one… Vampires, were tough sons of bitches, and needed to take a LOT of firepower before they went down, least long enough for us to decapitate them or stake them.

"Any, idea where, their located?" I asked, again Sam nodded, "Yeah I got a pretty good idea, there's an old abandoned jail, built back in early 1900's out in the woods, it apparently used to occupied by a whole bunch of germans, and they used it to torture information out of us americans, it apparently used to be big with the tourists, till they started disappearing around 5 years ago."

"okay, when do we hit it?" I asked, "Well, its 6 AM now, so I figure around 8 or 9."

I nodded, and sighed again as I looked out the window, and across the long expanse of dead trees. Vampires, german jails, ass crack of dawn, and a certain pear handled colt 1911 I was seriously missing right about now, though the MP5K, did do a nice job of taking care of bad guys as well… somehow I just knew it was going to be a shitty day."

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_**If you were the sea, than i would be the rain. if you were the harmony, i would bring you pain. but am i the one they thought they let away. **its okay. **so cast me from heaven, the true mechanical way of today... so cast me aside.**_


	9. Chapter 9

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_ Flashback. _

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_**Dean POV.**_  
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_"You wanna go out with me to the movies?" it was simple enough, and it sounded pretty… well okay it sounded like it had a few implications. Like something an inexperienced teenager might say as a matter of fact, and I'm a man almost into his thirties thank you very much… which just pretty much means I have almost no excuse for being that lame, but still._

_Jo just stared, at me open mouthed, as she had been about to take a swig from her beer._

_It was 8:20, in the afternoon. We had just gotten back from the liquor store 20 minutes ago, and had been midway through a conversation about who would win in a fight, Marilyn Manson, or Ozzy Osbourne. And enjoying a couple of beers, when out of the blue, those words just came out… I wonder if Meg kicked me anywhere in the vicinity of my head, while I wasn't paying attention, or maybe I was and I just got a bit too brain damaged to actually remember that one particular event._

_I looked down into the dark murky contents, of my beer, as she continued to just sit there silently, staring at me. "Umm, its okay, I um.. It was nothing I just… I thought it might be good to get out of the house and stuff umm, really its no big deal."_

_That got Jo out of her trance. She shook herself, and looked over at me, apology in her dark lovely eyes, "Sorry, sorry, itsj ust, you surprised me that's all, I um… well okay uhm, I know of several good thetres near here, umm… what do you wanna see?" _

_We looked over the selection of movies, from the paper, Jo had gotten from town. And after a few arguments about genre, decided that it was gonna be a horror/action film._

_And then once more, the cabin descended into chaos, as we both tried to decide which movie would be best._

_Lots of name calling, and a little of undignified hair pulling ensued, and then finally it was decided, that we would watch John Carpenter's Vampires, a classic action horror film, starring James Woods, Daniel Baldwin, and some other guys I didn't know anything about._

_It was playing, tonight at 9:20 pm._

_Which gave us, 40 minutes, to shower, scrub ourselves clean, and check to see my ribs were up to it. They still gave me some difficulty in breathing, and it still hurt to sleep, but other than that, they were okay. My wrists on the other hand, still ached when a cold breeze rolled in from the north, and I wasn't up to firing off a shotgun I was pretty sure._

_I checked myself out in the mirror.. I had just gotten out of the shower, put in some fresh gel, and thrown on a fresh set of clothes.. And I looked good even if I did say so myself._

_I was dressed in black doc martens, blue jeans, a black Death Valley t-shirt, and a purple button up I had the sleeves rolled up and the buttons undone._

_I rubbed at my chin, feeling nothing but smooth skin… and I froze. Oh god, this was it, I was going out, on a date with Joanna Harvelle, daughter of the single most scariest human being right next to my own FATHER! In the world._

_What was I thinking._

_I shook my head, pulled out a crimson pescription bottle of Darvocet, and dry swallowed 2 yellow and purple striped capsules._

_I checked my watch, 23 minutes now, for us to get into town, and get to that vampire movie._

_I grimaced, and went over to Jo's room, not bothering to knock, I went inside… and got myself a glimpse, of what a female Angel might look like in true form, provided Angels were bold enough, to wear a sexy set of black lacy bra and panties._

_Jo was leaned back against her bed, and in the middle of pulling on her usual set of thin blue jeans, up over her narrow curvaceous hips, to conceal the black lace of her thong. Which may have cut my nice view off, of what that thin little thong did to Jo's privates. But it did absolutely nothing to conceal Joanna's lithely muscular torso, the wonderful pale expanse of flesh, that was her flat stomach, her breasts, small but perfect in their preportions were clearly outlined by the thin black bra, and the bra was just a little too small which made her breasts look just a tad larger than they actually were, and… oh my god!_

_Jo's electric sea green gaze, locked onto mine. And I had never felt so attracted, to a woman, in my entire life._

_For a second, we both just stood there, staring into each other's eyes. And then Jo's cheeks flushed bright red, she swore, and the moment was broken. "Shit DEAN! Get out, Jesus christ!"_

_"Sorry, SORRY!" I called out, even as I stumbled backwards, out the door, and closed it behind me, "Jesus, Sorry Jo! S-sorry, I uhh. Ah christ Sorry!"_

_I blinked furiously, my vision still filled with nothing but Jo's perfect, petite, lithely muscular, yet somehow Deliciously girlish figure. I felt a world class boner coming on, faster and harder, than my first few ever had been._

_I waited downstairs, not calling out to ask if she were okay, and if she was coming down any time soon. I may have been raised on the road, and had never actually completed high school, let alone gone to college. But I wasn't a fool, I knew when to talk and when to remain silent._

_When Jo finally did come down, it was 9:04, meaning we had 16 minutes, to get to town, and to the movie, cutting it kinda close, but after what had just happened, I wouldn't be surprised if she decided, she didn't want to go._

_Her cheeks were still a little pink, and her fine golden locks, were a little mussed. But other than that she looked perfect, in brown snake skin boots, thin blue jeans that showed off the curves of her ass, a thin black tank top, and a jade green button up, of her own with the sleeves down._

_"Look Jo, I'm really sorry, I should have knocked first, and I!" I began, but she made a silencing gesture, and she ran one delicate looking hand through her perfect wonderful blond hair. "Its, no big deal, Dean, I mean, umm… sure I uh, I'm not really happy with you at the moment, but… well I guess I was sorta asking for it, my door was open a little…" her cheeks reddened a little more, and she stared down at my chest, not willing to look up into my eyes._

_"right." I said, keeping my gaze on her luscious hair, not trusting myself, to keep my eyes off, some of her more… private areas, despite their now being covered by a black tank, and her usual blue jeans._

_"So are we, going to just keep standing here, or are we going to go see this movie?" Jo asked, her voice arch, and full of a confidence, that had me staring at her a little, when I'd first met her at the Roadhouse, she while I had to admit been surprisingly strong for someone so small, and sorta badass, hadn't exactly been Martha Stewart, or that other blond chick from Desperate Housewives, what was her name? Edie._

_I shrugged, and tossed her the keys to the Impala, "Sure, but I don't trust that bucket of bolts you call a truck, we're taking the Impala.. Less likely to break down on us, and it can actually make it past 55 miles per hour."_

_Jo's face, flushed again, but this time it was more from outrage than it was embaressment. She punched me lightly on the arm, and I winced fakely, "ow!" I whined, in mock agony, rubbing at my arm, "I'm injuried here woman! Your supposed to take care of me, not use me as a punching bag!"_

_Jo scoffed, rolling her eyes, she said. "Oh don't be a big baby, I barely touched you. Now move along, before I decide to lock you in the trunk."_

_I gasped, and took a small step backwards, putting one hand to my chest, in mock horror, "You wouldn't!" I exclaimed, and she smiled, and shook the keys in her hand at me, "Walk in on me naked again, and I just might."_

_I grinned at her, "Okay, firstly, you weren't naked, secondly, as you pointed out earlier the door was partly open, how was I supposed to know you were in the middle of dressing yourself, in what I have to say is one of the sexist bra and panty sets, I have ever seen."_

_I grinned lasciviously at her, "Even if I do say so myself, which I do!" Jo blushed furiously, and by the way her chest shook, and the way she was biting down on her lowerl lip, I could tell she was barely surpressing a fit of giggles._

_She walked over to the driver's side of the Impala, and growled, "Shut up and get in the damn car, Bitch!" I gaped at her, in astonishment, before bursting out laughing, "Sam told you about that, did he?" I asked between fits of laughter, and surprisingly, I felt no anger no sense of betrayal or fear, when his name met my ears, this time round._

_Jo shook, with her own laughter, and nodded, wiping tears of mirth from her eyes, "yep, after enough beer gets past his lips, that Idjiot as Bobby would like to say, will blab just about anything." she smiled. And I smiled back, even as I got into the passenger's side of my beloved car, and said "Well I'll just have to have some strong words, with him, when he and Bobby get back won't I? now take some of your own advice, and get into the car jerk!"_

_Jo, burst into an uncontrollable fit of more little high pitched giggles, and compliantly, sat herself down in the diver's seat, and just sat there hunched over the steering wheel._

_When, we had both more or less gotten control of ourselves, Jo put the car in gear, bot us out onto the road, and started in towards town. All previous insults and injuries to pride seemingly forgotten._

_I smiled, as I layed back in the passenger's seat, this really was turning out to be a great night so far._

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